Who Yarked?

No Puking!
Originally uploaded by QuestingBeast.

Friday. Last teaching period before a long awaited weekend. I’m through, and the kids are string to unravel. At this point my best battle plan is to allow them to buddy read a chapter from our class novel. They are freed to partner up, find a cozy spot on the floor, read and journal the period away. Productive, but not high maintenance. They win, I win.

Well, that is if you get out of line. This is a well behaved group, mostly. “Out of hand” is that typical middle school chatter about going to the mall or riffing each other. Nothing malicious.

Case in point.

The kids are all silently reading, or so I think. Two boys in particular are getting a bit rowdy. They seem a bit too excited, most likely not focused on the book. I call them over once: warning. Twice: seat change. Third time and give them that talk “It’s not what you do, but what you get caught for” to waylay their protests of being singled out. They snicker at my comment. This time they behave…

for five minutes at least.

I realize there are two sets of eyes fixed on me. These two students are standing, silent, looking directly at me searching for their next word. Then it came.

“I threw up.”

Ok to the point. Need to clarify? “What?”

“I threw up.”

So matter of fact. Puddle of puke at his feet as a testimony.

“Uh, go to the nurse.” A nod and a hall pass later and the sick boy is sent on his way with his partner-in-crime tagging along to make sure he arrived safely. They swaggered down the hall, all smiles and giggles at what just happened.

I knew something was up.

Upon partner-in-crime’s return, I thoroughly grilled him about the circumstances. Granted, a kid gets sick- no problem. But their before and after behavior sent up signals.

“I need to know what happened”

“Uh, I can’t talk about it here. Can we discuss this in the hallway?”

“What?”

“Uh, it’s too embarrassing,” he replied.

I nodded again, and we continued this discussion in the hallway.

“Uh, well you see. Uh, this is embarrassing to say…”

“Out with it!” I demanded.

“Well, whatever I had to eat at lunch is giving me gas, and I had to fart really bad. So I told him my plan. I didn’t want to fart in class, because everyone would stare and laugh at me. It’s embarrassing. So I told him that I was going to sneak into the hallway and let it rip.”

“And?”

“And it grossed him out.”

Apparently all the fart talk triggered a gag reflex. Seriously. I didn’t know whether to laugh, sympathize, or reprimand him. I stood there, with this are-you-serious look on my face. Paused to comment, but said nothing. All I could muster was an assertive “Back in the room,” to which he promptly complied.

Partner-in-crime now is besieged by his classmates about why gag-reflex boy yarked over my carpet. Surprisingly the class carried on with little shrieks or protests. Maybe they sensed mh inner bewilderment, and couldn't find it within themselves to find an appropriate response.

Seriously, truth is stranger than fiction.

Tags: education, puke