Periodical Infidelity
It all started with a simple subscription to Runner’s World – the magazine that quenched my need to read about amateur runners, workout schedules, local races, historical moments in the sport, etc. Caroline ordered her Martha Stewart Living. We were a happy couple back then, monogamous in our magazine subscriptions. It all started out simple enough. Terrapin Productions – organizers for the Gathering of the Vibes festival – gave us a one-year subscription to Relix in thanks for our patronage. I was a one-magazine type of guy, but I suddenly found myself in a position that I hadn’t considered before: Caroline and I mutually sharing a relationship with this new magazine. This pairing suddenly became a three-some, and the glossy pages filled our lives.
Over the past few years I accumulated through attending the twin NWP / NCTE conventions. Apparently there is some use-it or loose-it clause in the fine print. We had to redeem the points. In my personal opinion, I had accumulated a fair amount of miles; however, like boardwalk skee ball, the top-tier prizes cost an exorbitant amount. We were left selecting from the catalogue equivalent of plastic spider rings and the cheap plastic menagerie that was made to simulate fine crystal. So, we went buck wild subscribing to various magazines: GQ, Vogue, Shape, Outside, Time. It was a sudden transformation, but this three-some had flourished into the periodical equivalent of a swinging lifestyle.
It was a wild time that quickly careened out of control. All of a sudden magazines arrived unannounced at our doorstop. Thanks to an address change or some such, NJEA Review and NEA Today started arriving at fairly regular intervals. I caught Caroline cheating on Martha Stewart Living with her cousin, Blueprint magazine. Somehow, we started to receive Rolling Stone magazine for free at the same time. Oddly enough it lists “Tweeter Waterfront” as part of our mailing address. Explain that one! The next month Guitar Player and AM Mag (audioMIDI.com’s magazine) showed up out of nowhere. I swear that my name and address is circulating third-party mailing lists like some phone number scribbled on the wall of a bathroom stall.
This reckless lifestyle swinging periodicals like there is no tomorrow has gone beyond the point of no return. The periodical harem has grown too large; I don’t think my wife and I can go back to a monogamous relationship with magazines. Call it periodical infidelity.
Over the past few years I accumulated through attending the twin NWP / NCTE conventions. Apparently there is some use-it or loose-it clause in the fine print. We had to redeem the points. In my personal opinion, I had accumulated a fair amount of miles; however, like boardwalk skee ball, the top-tier prizes cost an exorbitant amount. We were left selecting from the catalogue equivalent of plastic spider rings and the cheap plastic menagerie that was made to simulate fine crystal. So, we went buck wild subscribing to various magazines: GQ, Vogue, Shape, Outside, Time. It was a sudden transformation, but this three-some had flourished into the periodical equivalent of a swinging lifestyle.
It was a wild time that quickly careened out of control. All of a sudden magazines arrived unannounced at our doorstop. Thanks to an address change or some such, NJEA Review and NEA Today started arriving at fairly regular intervals. I caught Caroline cheating on Martha Stewart Living with her cousin, Blueprint magazine. Somehow, we started to receive Rolling Stone magazine for free at the same time. Oddly enough it lists “Tweeter Waterfront” as part of our mailing address. Explain that one! The next month Guitar Player and AM Mag (audioMIDI.com’s magazine) showed up out of nowhere. I swear that my name and address is circulating third-party mailing lists like some phone number scribbled on the wall of a bathroom stall.
This reckless lifestyle swinging periodicals like there is no tomorrow has gone beyond the point of no return. The periodical harem has grown too large; I don’t think my wife and I can go back to a monogamous relationship with magazines. Call it periodical infidelity.
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